this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
