Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
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I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
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Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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