i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
