Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
