Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
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I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
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I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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