she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
