I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
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you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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