overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
