fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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