My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
