I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
