I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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