thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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