I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
