if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
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How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
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Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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