Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
