Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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