It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize