I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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