Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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