jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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