Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
