She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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