checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
