i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize