Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She even gives head with a lisp.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
