Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
