I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm sobbing to NWA
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
