what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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