Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
