at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
