I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
