too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
