I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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