I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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