So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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