Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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