I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
