This dress was meant to end up on your floor
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
