sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
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Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
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And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize