one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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