first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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