Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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