I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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