Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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