I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
