Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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