I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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