Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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