If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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