I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
