I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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