i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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