Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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