i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
