Plan B is the new Plan A
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I supernannyed him into submission
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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