It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he was CRYING into my vagina
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
