last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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