She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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