Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
